Dating Tips
(Straight off the desk of a Romance Expert!)
1. Never be hasty. That is just the time when you might have poor judgment and make a mistake. Hasty people are bad shoppers! Beware if your partner is in a hurry - question his/her motives.
2. Try to ensure that you yourself are a whole person emotionally - that is when you will make the best choices and also be more appealing. A needy person is never appealing. Go for counselling if you think it may be necessary.
3. Men are very visually oriented. They will usually make up their minds within twenty seconds whether they are interested in a woman or not. They actually admit that they look at things like personality later. Women, on the other hand, will still give a man a chance. For instance, a woman may wait to see how a man behaves in different circumstances or how he treats her before she finally makes up her mind. Of importance to a woman, is that a man is kind and that he makes her laugh.
4. The first thing 99.9% (YES, THIS IS TRUE!!) of all the men say to me is that they do not want to meet an overweight woman. Looks actually come second! By contrast, women only occasionally mention they do not want to meet an overweight man. Weight is a big issue for men.
5. Grooming, grooming, grooming! If you want to meet someone nice, you yourself must be marketable. Start with your appearance. A man wants to meet a FEMININE woman. A surprising amount of men look at FEET! Are your toenails painted, are your heels cracked and dry, are you wearing ELEGANT shoes, are your clothes well coordinated, have you made the most of your face and hair? A woman also expects a man to be well groomed, neat and well dressed.
6. Be an interesting person! Develop your hobbies, be as versatile as possible. This will ensure that people respect you and that you always have something worthwhile to talk about.
7. It is very important to always be yourself. If someone is not interested in you, you will know pretty soon and save yourself some time and unhappiness. Imagine always having to keep up an act. I don't know what is worse, to play yourself up or down, but it will always end in disappointment. For you. There will always be people who will like you just as you are.
8. Don't take rejection personally. Often a client will say that his or her date wasn't very exciting, just to find that the very next day someone gives me feedback that that very same person is FABULOUS! It all depends on where the other person is coming from and has to do with THEIR frame of reference and where THEY are coming from and NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AT ALL! Always keep this in mind, so that when someone is not interested in you, you can remain confident and retain your self-esteem.
9. The SMS is a WONDERFUL invention. Girls, if you liked your date, you can discreetly encourage him by sending him a nice sms to say you enjoyed your time together. This way you are showing good manners, but not chasing him. This also gives him the go ahead to phone you again should he want to. Men sometimes need a little encouragement. Men, you can do the same.
10. If you are going to be late for a date or worse still, not make it at all, ALWAYS phone. We have mobile phones now, so there is no excuse. And don't just send an sms. It may only arrive the next day! Remember, treat your date the way you yourself would like to be treated.
11. Men, if you want to win your date's heart on your first date, ask her lots of questions, be genuinely interested in her replies and DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF ALL THE TIME. This is a mistake men often make on their first date in an effort to impress the woman. So many times a woman tells me after her first date with a man that she knows everything about him, but he knows nothing about her at all, because he talked about himself all the time and did not give her a chance to say a word. Should this start happening, a woman should feel free to interrupt and also have her say. This is what men do with each other, and they will not take offence if you do it as well, even though this manner of behaving is foreign to you.
12. On your first few dates, steer the topics that you discuss away from intimate details about yourself. This is not a good time to tell him you have just come out of drug rehab and it is also not a good time to reveal all the gory details about your previous failed relationships. Keep the conversation light at first. If the relationship develops, there will be plenty of time later on to reveal your innermost secrets, should you want to. Wait until the appropriate time.
13. If you have been dating for a few years, you will probably know whether you have any aggression towards the opposite sex. There could be many reasons for this (failed relationships, coming out of a toxic home etc.). If you pick anything like this up it would be wise to go for counselling so that in any future relationships you are more assured of a healthy outcome.
14. Relationships fall into patterns in our lives. You will often find women picking men like their father and men picking women like their mother. This may indicate that you have unfinished business and some things to work out in your life. Many times clients tell me that they keep falling in love with the "wrong" people. You may find that you pick similar partners all the time as well, just to reinforce whatever pattern is happening in your life. Be aware of what is happening and go for counselling if necessary.
15. Men like a challenge, women like security. Men are fascinated by a woman who is an enigma. It is a good idea never to let them suss you out completely. Always keep them guessing a bit. There is no harm in being a bit mysterious. (Don't overdo it, though). On the other hand a woman likes to know where she stands. A man should keep this in mind if he is sincerely interested in a woman.
16. What happens after your date? Did he say "I'll phone you" ? Just remember, he may not do so, even though he said that he would. Maybe he was just trying to be polite. Men do this, unfortunately. I cannot tell them enough times to only say what they really mean. Women, if he does not contact you again after you have sent him a nice sms, cut your losses and move on. There is no sense in flogging a dead horse. Believe me, if he is really interested, he will definitely contact you for a date again. Take it from a romance expert.
17. There is no such thing as a frigid woman! There are only bad lovers. Just by the way, womanizers are often bad lovers. They move so quickly from one woman to the next that it is not important to satisfy anyone except themselves!
18. 2 things that really put women off: Men with huge stomachs and men who drink too much.
19. "Boring" people often make the best partners. These are often the people who will go out of their way to be considerate and who are the nicest to live with. All women think they want a good-looking man with lots of money (and vice versa), but these are often not the people who will ultimately make you happy.
20. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. I have had men come to me with enormous stomachs wanting to meet petite women! They are quite serious about this and do not see anything untoward in their request. They see no reason why a petite woman would not like them!
21. People ruled by their hormones often make serious mistakes in picking their partners. As far as possible keep a level head and do not let lust dictate!
22. Older men, younger women : Some younger women find older men have no appeal, and yet there are plenty of older men who get together with younger women, and so it seems, quite happily. A younger woman needs to be careful that she is not overwhelmed and domineered by such a man and that her needs are met. Often it is money calling the shots. It is always better to be as financially independent as possible to make sure you pick your partner for the right reasons. I once had a man who was in his mid-50's looking to meet women in their 30's. I asked him what he would do once she left him for a younger man after taking all his money. He replied that at least he would have had a few good years! (I chuckled for a long time over this)
23. Older women, younger men : It's wonderful for a while, but there may come a day when he is ashamed to introduce you to his friends!
24. Married men and single women : Sometimes he is genuine, but most times he is selfish and keeping you on a line. Would you like to see your child in the position you are now in?
25. Always try to be as financially independent as possible so that you choose your partner for the right reasons. It is much better to choose someone because you genuinely love him/her and intend to have a lot of fun together, than to let money dictate.
26. Women normally commit to a relationship too early. So many times a woman asks me to stop circulating her because she and x now have a relationship. It's not even the next day and x has asked me for another introduction!! Once he feels he has "caught" you, he may very well feel it is now time to make new conquests!!!
27. N.B.: BEST DATING TIP: VISIT www.perfectstrangers.co.za or call me at 082 559 8322 or Email me / Register.
