One is often nervous on a first date as you never have a second chance to create a good first impression.
You are painfully aware that every moment carries the seed for this occasion to either be a great success or a big flop. If you are sensible, you will have no specific agenda except to have fun with a stranger and explore some possibilities for a potential friendship. This is easier said than done …
Below are 5 simple guidelines to help you navigate your first meeting:
1# It’s important for you both to feel good
I always advise my clients that on a first date they should focus not so much on what is said or not said, but rather on how the other person makes you FEEL and how good you can make them feel.
If you feel good in each other’s company, the conversation will automatically flow.
Make an effort to make your date feel special and important. If they feel good about themselves, they will automatically relax and this will loosen up their tongue so that they communicate with you with ease.
If they remember one thing after the date it will be how you made them feel, so make sure it’s good!
2# Ask open-ended questions
I would suggest that you prepare a few topics that you may like to talk about before you leave for this date. After sharing your own story about the relevant topic, ask open-ended questions that will force your date to think and give meaningful replies.
After sharing your own related story, you could ask:
“What is the most difficult thing you have ever done?”
“What is the strangest thing that has ever happened to you?”
“What is the most hilarious thing that has ever happened in your life?”
If the two of you can find stories to laugh about, it will make this date a happy and memorable occasion.
3# Don’t ask questions everyone else asks
Steer away from asking questions about what they do for a living or why they are divorced – it can open up a Pandora’s box as well as make you seem exactly like all their previous first dates. Remember that you would like your date to find your company invigorating and different!
4# Don’t interview your date
Do not make the mistake of thinking you do not have much time, so you need to find out as quickly as possible whether this person ticks all your boxes and whether or not they are good marriage material. This will make your date feel like they are being interviewed and interrogated, which they will most definitely not enjoy. They will immediately pick up that you are not asking because you are sincerely interested in them, but because you are attempting to fathom whether they fit in with your own needs and wants, and it is all about you, not them. This will sour the occasion and you will only have yourself to blame for a date gone south.
For example, a client emailed me the following story after I sent him on a date with one of my ladies: (Please pardon his spelling and grammar – English is not his home language.)
“We spend about 2 hours talking. She is an incredible woman as you promised. Self motivated, successful, intelligent. I enjoyed her company and we could talk about several topics with ease.
I would consider her to be someone that I can see myself doing business with but unfortunately not in a relationship. I don’t want to be harsh and please don’t think that I am. In my opinion there is still some issues about he previous marriage that she needs to make peace with. I can see that she was hurt really bad and I respect that. This however made our meeting feel a little like she was buying a secondhand car and she wanted to know about avery nick and dent as well as any small defect that might give her trouble in the future.
I’m a very relaxed person and like to talk to people. I enjoyed that she asked a lot of question about me and my life but feel that we don’t need to have every word that was said in the answer analyzed for a potential deeper meaning. Two hours is far to short to try and know everything about someone, I would rather spend that time to figure out if the person sitting in front of me have things in common that might attract me and make me curious to find out more about her over time.”
5# Have fun no matter what
Don’t make it your aim on this occasion to snare a beaux. People like to feel free and easy on a date. Be sure to be as positive and sparkling as you can. Even if your time together is a flop, come away feeling you had a few good laughs and that your sense of humour is still intact.
The more you can see the humour in situations and laugh at yourself, the better off you will be, no matter how boring or appalling your date may have been.
A point to remember is that true friends will always find each other.
If your date is going to be someone special in your life, the energies between the two of you will be happy and wholesome and the conversation will flow naturally and easily.
If not, have the attitude that there will always be another first date with someone else who may be better suited to you and whose company will gel with yours.
Good luck – I know you can do it!
Want to know what makes a man irresistible to a woman? Click here to find out!
Owner of Perfect Strangers
Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, many of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, often within a very few short months. Would you love to meet your soulmate? If you fit our niche market and feel that you would like to work with me, register today.